What happens when I stay up late (3/15/2011)

I have time to think about everything thats going on. I have time to doubt and relive and go back and wish and cry and get mad and anything under the sun that could be described as an emotional action. God, what have I done? I’ve betrayed you and my parents…But I will never tell them or anyone else on this planet. You have my word, you have my pride, you have my emotions, you have my life. You could spill it all at any second, you could give me away, you have the power to destroy me, you could even make me self-destruct. Yet I’m still here with my secret. I don’t even believe it myself, which is probably the worst. But I will never let it out, not for a long time. Even the person it involves will never know! How is that even possible? Because I manipulate him to the bone to believe it didn’t happen. I know what your thinking. Your saying “Wow, what a selfish bitch”. Well shit, at least I admit it. I hate what I have become, but once you start, you can never stop…….